A unique mind in an everyday life.

I Lie...

Labels: Blogging
okay you know the phrase "liar lair, pants on fire?" well I was smoke'n tonight. Depending on my mood I have a tendency to have "discussions" with telemarketers or I just say no thanks before they hang up on me. Well tonight I was in a mood.

8:04pm - Phone rings. rush to phone in fear that crazy person (who is now considered crazy b/c I consider 8pm late, I know I'm a bore) will wake small child who is cranky and FINALLY asleep.

8:04:30pm - realization call is telemarketer (can't let it ring, note above). Answer
Me: Hello (said in caution w/underlying tone of annoyance)
Tel: Hi may I speak with David (said in a slightly "I know I suck" voice)
Me: Pause...
Me: This is David
Tel: This is David?
Me: Yes ( said with slight irritation that person called and now is questioning my obvious lie)
Tel: Mam, your name is David?
Me: Yes (extremely frustrated tone...thought:how do you know my name is not David)
Tel: Really?
Me: Yes (at this point the conversation has gone on far too long)
side note: Dav-id is a very popular East Asian name for a women
Tel: Well before we begin I would like to verify your occupation...
Me: Seriously? I'm not taking a survey.
Tel: Shall I call back at another time?
Me: No take me off...(hung up on...)

8:07pm - Realization that telemarketers have serious attitudes (yes I know I'm stereotyping) and don't like to be lied to.

What's your best telemarketer story?

I have a good one, it is from yesterday.

Phone rings, son is taking a late afternoon nap after much crying. I am annoyed. Call goes like this:

-Hello, may I speak to Mr. Baroni?
-I'm sorry you have the wrong number.
-May I verify that I've dialed (says my phone number).
-Yes, that is my number.
-Ok, I apologize. Ma'am did you know that all anti-gang and anti-drug programs that the sheriff's office provides for youth in Fresno County are funded by donation only? Can I send you an envelope for an annual sponsorship? We have the gold level at $50, the silver level at $35 and the bronze level at $25, which envelope may I send to you, Miss, uh, I'm sorry what is YOUR name?

No, I am not making this up.

oh oh i have one...hmmm let me remember

ok phone rings

me: hello
tel: hi may speak to Luis Ibarra
Me; speaking
tel:hi my name is bob(i cant remember the name so i chose bob) i am calling from whatever bank and we currenlty have special offers on visa cards for preapproved people
me:no thanks i already have enough credit cards...thank
tel: WAIT sir..(yeah he kinda yelled at me) we have really good intro rates (hmm so out curiosity)
Me: ok what do you offer
Tel:our into interest rate is 18.9% and we...
Me; wow dude stop ok don't want it i have two creadit cards below 6%, so no thanks
Tel; but wait our credit card is better.
Me; how is it better?
Tel: we have a better interest rate.
Me: ummm dude (yes i called him dude) how i the world is 18.9% better then my card that is 4.9%..i mean
tel: well you ahve to take int he daily apr...
Me: yes but 18,9% is still more then 4.9% even if you break it down to a daily value ( at this piont i am just keep it going cause i want to know how far this guys will take it)
tel: no no sir you don't get it
Me: I DON"T GET IT how in the world is 4.9 not better then 18.9 please tell me
Tel:arhhhh (hehe at this point the dude was mad at me)
me; ok man i have to jam, i think you need to relearn you numbers or somthing like that..good night

hehe yeah oh and by the way this was all in spanish on the phone so my spanglish was also pissing him off hahahah

Luis from myspace

On several occasions I have had to explain that the Mr. "Korea" or "Caria", sadly is "no longer with us"

But my all time favorite are the marketing calls in Spanish (probably because of my Hispanic last name) to which I like to respond "No habla espanol", when they magically start speaking English I then respond "Je suis désolé, Je ne parle pas d'anglais non plus" ("I'm sorry,I don't speak English either" in french) This is usually followed by a pause followed by some panicky noises, then shuffling paper, at which point I take the opportunity to hang up.

I have also been asked to hold while they transfer me to an English speaking representative. What!?!? You call ME and then you want ME to hold? Riiiiight.

March 17 means


My photo
I talk WAY too much about absolutely nothing, but it's my own way of getting to what actually matters. Too analytical but at times it comes in handy. Enjoy hearing peoples stories. Get bugged by stereo-type people. Bad speller. Secretly lazy. Quasi OCD. Carry a constant frustration for the marginalization within America. Sarcastic. Suffer from (UL) aka uncontrollable laughter...never know when it's going to hit.

On my night stand

  • Foster's: Celebration of Discipline
  • Gawande's : Better
  • Macarthur's: New Testiment Commentary
  • Orman: Women & Money
  • Pausch's: The Last Lecture
  • Rowling's: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  • Safran's: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
  • Young's: The Shack

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