Today was a rarity. I managed to negotiate actual "shower time". Opposed to the "jump in let water hit body (check child), throw shampoo or bottle that resembles what could be shampoo on head (check child again) rinse and jump out" time. Yes, today I took a nice long shower and even managed to shave above the knee, some of you understand how rare "above the knee" shaving is.

Long showers or even just decent showers didn't used to be so far fetched. Heck, it was a daily experience of waking up and climbing in to a nice hot shower. I vaguely remember just standing in the hot water and letting the heat become almost therapeutic to my muscles. I think I even managed conditioner and body wash. Mostly I remember that there was no urgency to jump out, no one to check on, no concern that a child might wake from a nap, no time limit, just me and a wonderful hot shower. I know it sounds like I have terrible hygiene (really I don't, at least I don't think so). As I was reminiscing about the olden days today in my long shower I realized there is such a correlation between my showers and my spiritual life.

Now-a-days I find it almost impressive it I can squeeze in a moment of reflection let alone a time of meditation. And please don't ask me to clear my mind, there's not enough time in a week for that. Seriously, I remember the days when I could just sit and read the bible, meditate, contemplate, ask, listen. Like the long shower it was therapeutic and needed. The ability to focus in on God and be at rest. It seems like my spiritual life has become like my showers; unpredictable, brief, and far to limited.

Granted there's grace and I still enjoy moments of silence at the end of the day when I can hide away, and of course there is the constant communication throughout the day both in the form of internal and external dialogue (which I'm sure one day my children will view as a sign of alzheimer's) but our relationshiping has definitely changed. And really, so has my understanding of the manifold-ness of God.

I watch a child day in and day out. I am nurturing two children day in and day out. I am a parent. A mother. A life source. And this is who God is to me day in and day out. I am past the guilt and the legislation that often comes with the expectations of what spiritual growth and wisdom look like. I miss my long quiet moments with God. I still recognize the need for the long quiet moments of meditation just like my long showers. But I have come to appreciate God more, my time, my need for God, and my life more than I ever did in the long shower days. Being still and knowing who God is can happen just as relevantly in a drive to the market, a sweet lullaby, or a short shower.

I have been in turmoil (internally) recently and its manifested in my attitude toward my home, but rooted deeper than just the structure itself. Perhaps it was brought on by my recent bedrest or the coming addition to mi familia or my consumerism, for whatever reason I have an attitude problem and I'm projecting it on my house. It started with a simple statement "we need MORE space" and has perpetuated into some very enlightened conversations/dialogues. Thus far I am still processing but have concluded the following: 1. I have been cursed with the American dream to which I have the "RIGHT" to certain desires. 2. These desires are defined subconsciously and consciously by people, organizations, and companies I don't know and who don't know me. 3. These rights look like the newest, the biggest, and the best. 4. 1-3 only further pull me and distract me from what my soul needs and longs for. 5. My rights expressed in my attitude are rooted in my values and beliefs. 6. I do not want to admit these are my values and beliefs. 7. My children will follow me. 8. I'm rich.
It's time that we took a moment to realize just how much STUFF we have. The wonderingwomen link (here) is a good reminder of just how rich we really are.

If any part of this is a road you've walked, known, wrestled, ran, or never even contemplated I invite you to join the conversation.

If you weren't hanging out at the Russian Baptist Church in Sacramento this weekend then you were missing out! Why? I'll tell you why! John Piper was holding a regional conference on the Pleasures of God. If you don't know who John Piper is, well my friend, your missing out. I think I read something of his for the first time about seven years ago and I can honestly say it changed my life, at least the way I live & look at it.