You know you're out of shape when you have to do the "pre" training to the actual training for a half marathon. Yup, you got it. I am so terribly out of shape that I'm even dreading the "pre" training; check it out here!

Saddle bags. Some of you know the reference, it's the extra thigh/low butt attaching itself upon our legs like a growth. Unless you carry a Jennifer Gardner frame you can relate in some form or another.

I'm not a tall person, I'm actually rather short. I make up for my shortness by carrying a "tall" personality...it's almost the female version of Napoleon's complex except I'm a bit less into taking over the world and more in tune with my insecurities. Speaking of lets go back to why I bring up Saddle bags.

Here's where my shortness becomes an issue for me. I've had a couple kids and well my weight would be appropriate for a 6ft supermodel. I am neither 6ft or a supermodel...perhaps you can relate?!

With my short mom complex I've decided to take a new route. I'm really good at working out as long as I have NOTHING else going on. If anything else could possibly distract me well, it wins over exercise. So I'm taking a new approach.

What is it? It's a marathon....Stop laughing. I kid not. I'm not crazy, I'm going to start with a half. If you know me you know I DON'T run! Why? because I'm prejudice against runners. That and I don't believe I or anyone else should be exposed to the ways in which my body moves when at a faster than stroll pace. But the saddle bags MUST go. Oh and word is that my h.s. reunion is around the corner.

Things I will NOT do while taking on a runner persona:

• Purchase short shorts (if something is so short it has to be repeated well...count me out)
  
• Buy running shoes over $80 (do we really have to purchase new clothes every time we try something out?)
  
• Begin eating power bars (unless the words chocolate or caramel are involved)
• make protein shakes (I don't do shakes unless Ice cream is an ingredient hence my chubby issue)
  
• place a raw egg anywhere near my mouth
• Begin using words like "BMI" or "Best time"(runner jargon is highly annoying)
  
• blue tooth while running (who are you people? and how do you do that?)
• run in the middle of the street (I don't have a death wish)
  
• run in a sports bra (again, I am aware of my insecurities and I have my sanity still...sort of)
  

Holiday No No List:

1. No baking, b/c really how many of those are going to make it into my mouth before I offer them to someone else? Umm at least 3.
2. Parties on empty stomachs. No matter how much you dislike a cheese log in the end you will reach for a cracker.
a. Cheese log eating is acceptable if you violate rule 4.
3. Considering the whole month of December as a "free" day. Oh you know what I'm talking about.
4. Rationalizing that you can have an extra glass or two of eggnog b/c you've put on 5 lbs (5 or 10lbs does not equal the ability to drink twice as much). Intoxication at any size can lead to trouble, especially around the holidays.
5. Caught talking or blinking on camera. These photos are always the ones people choose to forward in emails and there you are looking all crazy. My advise: threaten the person with the camera upon meeting and/or ask if you can "see the picture" and silently press "delete".
6. Not having backup gifts. There's always that one person who gives you a gift or your kiddo a gift that you were not prepared for. Despite the economical recession, the exponential credit card debt nationally, and the ever looming taxes due in 3 months you are now bound by obligation to reciprocate the gift. You better run to your gift closet.
7. Trying to put the Xmas tree topper on by yourself. Chubby girl + tree shape = complications.
8. Gingerbread Houses. Cute idea but heartbreaking for the little ones when they catch you making "renovations" on the house. The whole "downsizing the gingerbread home" conversation never sells them.
9. Pants that button. This is the time of year that I suggest sweaters and yoga pants. Hey no one questions it, b/c it's freak'n cold outside and lets be honest we're gonna break 1-4 on the No No list so why torture ourselves with buttons.
10. The biggest No No of all: Christmas Crocheted sweaters w/ decals.

So I'm getting my booty kicked on this Jillian Michaels "thing". But here's my dilemma: I'm in need of booty kick'n music...it's a must. I must have my booty kicked to the appropriate soundtrack. Here's where you can help: what music do you suggest? What artist get's your BP (blood pressure) pump'n?



(yes this is my son caught dancing, he likes to bust a move)

General observations:

1. TV's on the exercise equipment? I'm at the gym right? not my living room

2. There's 2 types of people at the gym. The addicts and the new years resolutions.

3. Why do machines have to yell at me to hold the heart monitor. If I cared about my heart I wouldn't be in this position.

4. I went to a gym once that had a bar in it. Is that appropriate? better yet, is that legal?

5. I prefer the gym with a bar in it to the gym with the aerobic room windows.

6. what's up with aerobic rooms having windows? God forbid your late b/c you know you'll be spending the next 1hr jumping up and down by the window for the whole weight section to view.

7. why is there always a Tony working for a gym?

8. I think a tummy tuck may be easier and less cruel than the spin class.

9. Why do I always feel strangely uncomfortable when I do the hamstring workout machine (You know the one where you open and then close your legs).

10. I think if you stretch before starting a workout it makes you look like you know what your doing.

11. Nothing makes you look slimmer when your working out not even black.

12. Grey is not a good color to work out in..."hi pit stains".

13. If your belly goes one way and your body goes another that's generally a bad sign.

Thoughts this week:

1. Why do skinny people say they're fat or "gaining weight"? Don't they know that's annoying?
2. When is molten chocolate lava cake appropriate?
3. Can snoring count as exercise?
4. Mesh netting of any kind is not appropriate to wear unless in costume.
5. Shouldn't tee-shirts hang on you? shoot.
6. I really need to find a way to exercise....
7. I really wish I didn't just tell my dad I needed to find a way to exercise...thanks dad for the exercise ball...shoot.
8. I want a mans metabolism
9. was it really necessary of me to take my measurements? truth is hard.
   
10. I need a bike
11. If President Clinton could find time every morning for a run/jog I think I need to re-evaluate my schedule.
    
12. I really need to toss those jeans I've been holding onto since college.
13. Maybe if I go blond it will draw attention away from the rest of my body?

Confession: This might be my problem
Thanks hollyjones for leaving this behind.

I decided I'm just gonna put this out there. I have a problem. I've been bloated for 4 years. My "fat day" is turning into a "fat decade". Something must be done.

I don't know what possessed me to admit it? perhaps it's the late hour or the caffeine pumping through my system or even the second child I just brought into this world. Whatever the case for the courage, here it is.

I have been wanting to lose weight and mostly be HEALTHY since 2004 and have never seemed to manage it, well if you don't count the 4 months of pregnancy I spent starving myself, after which, I was left with a thin frame that seemed to disappear within weeks (b/c of pregnancy & a dyer need to live).

So I decided to use this site as a means of internal accountability. Your welcome to post your weekly thoughts on YOUR health successes and failures too. Once a week I'll confess via blog my successes, attempts, thoughts, and frustrations (I have plenty of those). I will not be posting my weight b/c I have no interest in public scrutiny or the image of your expression resulting from the shock and awe. Besides, I'm going to be the classic chubby girl now and say "it's not about weight".

My thoughts have often fallen on how I got so out of shape?

Yes, I'm aware that I just had a child but that only adds to the fuel of wanting to get back into shape. I'm not talking Heidi Klum shape (though a goal for some, I myself, am not 6ft, blond, a supermodel, or rich with a nutritionist, cook, and personal trainer). I figure it's a result of unhealthy eating, which I blame on my husband.

See a bad sign already, I'm not taking responsibility for my actions...sigh. But really it's his fault. He played a little football at a city college and needed to put lbs on (if only) so he would stay up till midnight with me eating mozzarella sticks and bbq wings with lots and lots of ranch. Eventually I caved and joined him, even though I wasn't trying out for a line backer position. I considered my actions social support. The weight gain wasn't immediate but it did create some new fat cells and a love for ranch dressing.

I'd like to also take this moment to blame college if I may. Though I graduated in 03 w/ my degree I strongly believe the stress from four years of cramming combined with lack of sleep created an exhausted 20 something woman who found the gym or any other physical activity undesirable.

And Finally, I'd like to thank my children. Carrying a human being in your womb makes it difficult to run (like I ever would), eat healthy (total cop out), or maintain any level of self control (I exaggerate my condition, don't tell my hubby).

So those are the 3 blames this Chubby girl likes to fall back on, but really I guess it's just been my choices. So I'm going to try to make some different ones.

Check back for updates and feel free to share your own struggles, successes, and secrets to health or a Heidi Klum body. And NO I will NOT be doing the no carb diet, if I had that kind of discipline I wouldn't be in this boat in the first place! DUH